38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
