whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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