i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
