Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just found puke in my bra..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize