which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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