All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
