i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I had to cum in my sink.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
