am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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