he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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