Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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