I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
