and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
