fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
