Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
