ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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