you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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