Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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