The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
