Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize