Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
