Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
