ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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