you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
