Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
