yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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