You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
