Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
