I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
