Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
please come you make the beer taste better
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
