last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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