you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
