I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
