I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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