Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
