I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
