so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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