you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
