She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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