I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
