i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
