So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
