hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
