"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
