Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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