the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
