I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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