someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
another moral hangover. fuck.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
