Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
