I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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