Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
