He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
