I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
