You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
