do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
