a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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