That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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