Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize