While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
