this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
