Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
