just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
