I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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