I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
When are your genitals available?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
