Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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