you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
