He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
