Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
