I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He felt like a one man threesome
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
