Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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